What If It’s Not You?
You know that voice.
The one that says “You’re too much.”
Or “You’re not enough.”
Or “They’re going to leave when they see the real you.”
It shows up when you send the text and instantly regret it.
When you try to rest and feel lazy.
When you get complimented and think, They must be lying.
That voice didn’t come from nowhere.
It came from somewhere—and more often than not, that “somewhere” is long before now.
🌱 The Seeds of Self-Doubt Are Often Planted in Childhood
Maybe no one ever directly said, You’re unlovable.
But maybe love was given only when you performed—when you were the helper, the high-achiever, the problem-solver, the easy one.
Maybe you learned early that your needs were a burden.
Or that being soft, messy, or uncertain made you “too much.”
Sometimes it wasn’t what was said, but what wasn’t.
What wasn’t protected. What wasn’t repaired. What wasn’t modeled.
And now—years later—there’s a part of you still living in that story.
🫂 Healing Doesn’t Mean You Never Doubt Yourself
You can be in therapy, doing the work, surrounded by people who love you—and still feel like an imposter in your own life.
You can know better logically and still feel it in your bones.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means a very old part of you is trying to stay safe.
A part that still remembers what it was like to feel rejected, overlooked, or unseen.
A part that still whispers, Don’t get your hopes up. Don’t take up space. Don’t need too much.
🧠 The Brain Learns to Protect You—Even If It Hurts You
Our nervous systems are incredibly smart. They remember what kept us safe.
So if playing small or overperforming helped you survive as a kid, your body might still be doing it on autopilot—even when it’s no longer needed.
That’s why self-doubt feels so sticky.
It’s not just a thought—it’s a survival strategy.
✨ What We Can Do in Therapy
In therapy, we don’t just challenge the thought—we get curious about where it came from.
We notice what it’s protecting.
We offer compassion to the younger version of you that never got it.
We build evidence, slowly, that you don’t have to earn your worth. It’s already yours.
And sometimes, we even speak directly to those parts of you—the ones still afraid, still hustling for love, still holding their breath.
That’s not weird. That’s healing.
💛 It’s Not You. It’s the Wound.
If you take nothing else from this, take this:
Self-doubt doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’re human—and probably someone who learned to adapt in some really painful ways.
You are not too much. You don’t have to prove anything.
And the right people? They won’t see you as a burden.
They’ll see you as brave for showing up with your whole heart—even the wounded parts.