When Gratitude Feels Forced: Finding Authentic Thankfulness During the Holidays

Every Thanksgiving, I used to sit around the table and list five things I was grateful for — my health, my family, my work, my dog.
It was a nice tradition. But some years, I didn’t feel thankful at all.

Some years, gratitude felt heavy. Like something I was supposed to feel.
Like smiling through a lump in my throat, saying “I’m fine” because it’s easier than being honest.

If you’ve ever felt that way — thankful and tired, grateful but empty — you’re not alone.

The Pressure to “Feel Grateful”

The holiday season often comes with invisible scripts.
Be thankful. Be joyful. Be together.

But what if you’re grieving this year?
What if your relationships are strained, or your body is tired, or life just hasn’t been kind lately?

When gratitude is forced, it stops being healing. It becomes another performance — another way we pretend everything’s okay while quietly falling apart inside.

The Problem with Performative Gratitude

Performative gratitude looks good on paper:
the Instagram post about perspective, the “so blessed” caption, the dinner prayer that feels rehearsed.

But underneath, it can leave you feeling disconnected.
Because authentic gratitude isn’t about convincing yourself to be happy — it’s about noticing what’s true.

True gratitude often starts with discomfort.
It’s realizing you’re both thankful and tired.
That you love your family and need space from them.
That life is beautiful and hard right now.

You don’t have to choose between being grateful and being human.

What Authentic Gratitude Looks Like

Try these small, grounded practices to reconnect with thankfulness that feels real — not forced:

1. Lower the bar.
   Gratitude doesn’t have to be profound. “The way sunlight hit my coffee this morning” counts.

2. Start with honesty.
   If you’re not feeling thankful, start there. “I’m tired, I wish things were different, and I’m trying.” That’s gratitude’s first layer — truth.

3. Name what’s sustaining you, not just what’s perfect.
   Maybe it’s your pet, your favorite show, or the friend who texts you memes when you’re struggling.

4. Skip the list — try presence instead.
   Sometimes writing five things feels hollow. Try simply sitting with something that brings you comfort — a smell, a memory, a person — and breathe into it.

Gratitude as a Form of Grounding

When gratitude becomes real, it’s less about comparison (“I should be thankful because others have it worse”) and more about connection (“This small thing kept me going”).

It’s not about faking light — it’s about finding it, one flicker at a time.

So if this season doesn’t feel magical or merry, that’s okay. Gratitude can still exist quietly, in imperfect places.

It can sound like:
“I’m still here.”
“I’m learning.”
“I’m trying again tomorrow.”

That’s enough.

Therapeutic Takeaway:
Forced positivity disconnects us from authenticity. When gratitude feels performative, it’s often a sign that deeper emotions need acknowledgment — sadness, disappointment, exhaustion. Real healing happens when you let both gratitude and grief exist in the same breath.