Domestic Violence in Relationships: Naming It, Understanding It, Finding Safety
Domestic violence isn’t always visible. It isn’t always bruises or broken bones. Sometimes it’s the constant criticism that erodes self-worth. The financial control that leaves one partner dependent. The fear of what will happen if you speak up—or if you don’t.
At its heart, domestic violence is about power and control. And it can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, background, or relationship status.
What Domestic Violence Can Look Like
Physical abuse – hitting, shoving, choking, or threats of harm.
Emotional abuse – insults, humiliation, intimidation, or constant criticism.
Psychological abuse – gaslighting, isolation from friends/family, threatening self-harm if you leave.
Financial abuse – controlling money, withholding access to accounts, sabotaging employment.
Sexual abuse – forcing or coercing sexual acts without consent, ignoring boundaries.
No matter the form, domestic violence creates fear and robs someone of their autonomy.
Why Leaving Can Be So Hard
Many survivors hear the question: “Why didn’t you just leave?” The reality is complex. Survivors may stay because of:
Fear of escalated violence if they try to leave.
Financial dependence or lack of resources.
Concern for children or pets.
Shame, stigma, or hope that things will change.
Isolation from support systems.
It’s not weakness. It’s survival.
The Path Toward Healing and Safety
If you are in an abusive relationship, know this: you are not alone, and it is not your fault. Reaching out for help can be terrifying, but it can also be the first step toward reclaiming your life. Healing often involves:
Building safety plans – practical steps to prepare for leaving safely.
Restoring self-trust – undoing the gaslighting and learning to believe your own experiences again.
Therapy and support groups – connecting with others who understand and processing the trauma.
Reclaiming autonomy – slowly making choices that are yours, not shaped by fear.
Resources for Support
National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.) – Call 1-800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788. Available 24/7 with confidential support.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) – Call 1-800-656-4673 or use their live chat at rainn.org.
Love is Respect (focus on young adults & teens) – Call 1-866-331-9474 or text “LOVEIS” to 22522.
Local shelters and advocacy centers – Many offer housing, legal advocacy, counseling, and support groups.
If you’re outside the U.S., you can search “domestic violence hotline [your country]” for local resources.
A Final Word
Abuse thrives in silence. Talking about it—naming it—is an act of courage. If you see yourself in these words, I want you to hear this clearly: you deserve safety, you deserve love that does not hurt, and help is available.
