You’re Not Broken — You’re Dysregulated: A Trauma-Informed View of “Overreacting”
The Story We’re Told
You’re dramatic.
You’re reactive.
You’re too much.
You’re sensitive.
You take things too personally.
You can’t let things go.
You overthink.
You overreact.
So people internalize a story:
“I’m the problem.”
What’s Actually Happening
Dysregulation isn’t weakness.
It’s physiology.
It’s a nervous system responding to perceived threat.
Your body doesn’t distinguish between:
Past danger
Present discomfort
Emotional threat
Physical threat
It only knows safety or danger.
And when something feels unsafe—
It reacts.
Triggers Aren’t Random
Triggers aren’t irrational.
They’re patterned.
They’re learned.
They’re memory stored in the body.
A tone of voice. Silence. Withdrawal. Criticism. Rejection. Disconnection. Uncertainty.
Your nervous system isn’t dramatic.
It’s remembering.
Survival Responses
When the nervous system senses threat, it doesn’t choose logic.
It chooses survival.
Fight → anger, defensiveness, reactivity
Flight → avoidance, withdrawal, numbing
Freeze → shutdown, dissociation, paralysis
Fawn → people-pleasing, appeasing, self-abandonment
These aren’t behaviors.
They’re protection strategies.
Why “Calm Down” Doesn’t Work
You can’t talk a dysregulated system into calm.
You can’t logic your way out of a trauma response.
Regulation is physiological before it’s cognitive.
Safety comes before insight.
Regulation Isn’t Control
Regulation isn’t suppression.
It’s not pretending you’re okay.
It’s not emotional bypassing.
It’s capacity.
It’s the ability to feel without becoming overwhelmed.
It’s the ability to experience emotion without losing stability.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Healing isn’t becoming unbothered.
It’s becoming resourced.
It’s:
Learning your triggers
Understanding your patterns
Building nervous system safety
Expanding your window of tolerance
Creating internal stability
Developing regulation skills
Not becoming numb.
Becoming grounded.
A Compassionate Reframe
You’re not broken.
You adapted.
You learned how to survive.
You developed strategies that once kept you safe.
Now your system just needs new ones.
Not shame.
Not self-attack.
Not self-abandonment.
But support.
The Truth
Reactivity isn’t a flaw.
Sensitivity isn’t weakness.
Emotional intensity isn’t pathology.
They’re nervous system responses.
And nervous systems can heal.
They can learn safety.
They can build regulation.
They can expand capacity.
They can change.
If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, reactions, or triggers, therapy can help you understand your nervous system and build real regulation—not suppression. You’re not broken. Your system just learned how to survive. And it can learn how to feel safe again.
